Finale!

It is Thirty First December 2013!

Last day of the year and of course, the ultimate ritual strikes again. The new year resolutions! But trust me, I'm not sure what should I wish for because I'm currently ahead of my own schedule. hehe. 2013 has been so good to me with extremely unexpected achievements, chances and opportunities. Alhamdulillah and I'm so blessed with everything HE had given to me. 

Anyways, there will be no new year resolutions for 2014 I guess. Simply because I just need a break. All you need from a rough and hard but at the same time awesome 3 years is just a break because I will finally be finishing my degree life Insya Allah around June 2014 :D happy? of course I am! It is going to be my first time wearing the robe! and also the bouquet :D 

Believe it or not, my new year resolutions will always be about gaining weight and losing pimples. It really is a big deal tho. Oh well, not anymore I guess. That's cause I can finally accept the fact that I can never be more than 50kg and I can never be flawless. There goes ' If you can't accept my at my worst, you simply don't deserve me at my best' . It is true somehow but  seriously? 90% of the way I accept it is actually to calm my own tits. Nonetheless, insecure is never in my life dictionary. lol. 

And 2013 too taught me to let go of something that is not mine. Not mine to keep, not mine to be with. The decision that I made, the hardest. Thanks to you, now that I am much much better, stronger, and even mature than before. The hardest decision to not to look back but yet, the decision that I will never regret.  Again, thank you.

Now that I am in my comfort zone, let's just wait and see what 2014 can offer me :) Till then, I have notes to study. Adios :D

Changes

Halluuu :)

Okay, Assalamualaikum.

Whaddup yo! judging by the views that I get, I believe I have my own audience. Anyhoo, it has been a long time since the last time I crap here. So here it goes.

I'm quite occupied with a lot of things these days, but there is one thing that keeps on bugging me and I believe that each of us once had this kind of feelings. Or probably now? Or soon. It depends. Well, I'm not the right person to talk about this judging by how do I dress up, how do I treat my guy friends, how I handle my daily conversation with my usual clan, the way I spoke to my parents and the list goes on...

It is a lie to say that the urge to improve myself, ourselves to become a better person never appear. It knocks on our face, our heart and even our ass real hard that you feel like crying your heart out just because you wanted to but you can't. WHY? changes is never easy. NEVER. 

Yes. True that tomorrow is never a promise. What if death comes before you cover yourself properly? What if death comes before you even say sorry? sorry to others for the words that might hurt, sorry to yourself for never to give the chance being someone new. Regret is no longer the issue. It's the chances that knocked on your door but you're afraid/scared/not ready to grab.

Yes. I don't have the right to say that you can't judge me and accept me for who I am because this is me. Honestly, that's bullsh*t. It doesn't work that way. I just feel like in order to change, it should start from the inside itself. Now tell me one thing, does it really matter to portray what you are physically for people to judge you? I doubt that. 

Changes is never easy. Just because some people hide their good deeds and they only show the dark side of them, they are free to be judged and to be labelled as black sheep. Struggling hard to complete the 5 times a day is a change. From reading only quran to translation is a change. Trying hard to properly cover herself is a change even if she failed. Reducing the daily bad words is a change. You never know how hard we tried. You were in our shoes. You never like to be judged. You never like to be punished. How do you expect others to accept the same thing that you once hated or perhaps still hate then? 

AGAIN, TO CHANGE IS NEVER EASY. 

It's going to take every single strength that we have, every tears that  we are willing to shed for the past that we once had and we regret, because we never knew what we wanted back then. we were lost. It's just that some of us are lucky enough to find their way back home and leave the others behind.

So, to my other friends. Never worry. Your time, our time will come. Slowly yet surely we're gonna make it. Changes is never easy but that's what life is about. Perhaps we are not blessed with 'holy' kind of friends surrounding us daily but always remember that anyone can love a rose but it takes a lot to love a leaf. It's ordinary to love the beautiful, but it is beautiful to love the ordinary. Chin up. Because to change is never easy. 

Mother

For every words I caused you to cry
For every tale that's never a lie
Never to sin
Always to pry
She comes with love
Forever to electrify.

LEFT

Pale shaded life,

Screaming from the bottom,

Reaching for the skies above.

Beneath the dim light,

Was left with hopes and fears,

Never been seen,

Never been recognized.

You're high up there,

I'm fine down here.

Never promise to return,

When I'm no longer your concern.

WORDS

I drown,

about to break down.

And regret,

for every debt.

So loud,

without crowd.

Words dread,

inside my head.

Talk,

lost in o'clock,

I should've said,

'fraid will mislead.

To your shadow,
easy to swallow,
Standing in voidance,
scream the loudest silence.

Find By Me

You're broken,

left in the garden.

You're hurt,

you bleed in your nightshirt.

Let's play a game,
of what you've became.

With your glass-eyed
you surely can hide,
And when you shriek
that's when I will seek.

YOU

you,
don't know what it looks like,
don't know how it'll be like.

when I'm not in love,
in love with,
you. 

Selamat Hari Raya :D

pretty ladies and handsome gents,
selamat hari raya wei :D
too young to give duit raya,
too old to earn extra duit raya.
Life is cruel and sad and unfair, I know right :(

And so, as for hari raya is approaching (tomorrow to be exact) and here I am, still working, still trying to finish my guide. Here goes my wishful yet sinful thinking. loll. Nak kahwin orang jauh. Why? because I never feel the excitement of packing stuffs to go balik kampung or long trip road to visit relatives. zadddddd. But the problem is that, one of my major turn off is to know that the person that I'm going to date is from somewhere but KL or Selangor area. Becauseeeeeeeeeeee ~
N9- I don't eat spicy food
Kelantan and Tganu- No, I just don't get your slang
Sabah Sarawak- whatt? I don't speak alien language
Utara- ganas gila cakap macam cakap dengan gangster
Melaka- pun sama
others: for no apparent reason.

Serious kena gelak to know  if I'm married to a guy who's not from my turn on list. hahahahaha. Okay siapa orang yang listed above, sorry and selamat hari raya :D hihi

AND TO ALL YOU PEOPLE, GET FAT! RAYA IS ALL ABOUT FOOD AND FOOD AND FOOOOODDDD and carbonated drinks and coke. hihi *been out of coke's radar for quite some time. lets coke party?*

ONCE AGAIN,
for all my wrongdoings (which I believe banyak gila)
words, limitless craziness, my perv attitude, and of course for my bad words yg sometimes laju macam air
I really am sorry.
Happy eid mubarak and
SELAMAT HARI RAYA
MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN!

What Is Love?

"Love is commitment. Love is a verb, not a noun. True, authentic love can only be shared when the two people in the relationship encompass self-love first. Love is not fleeting; it does not come and go with the feelings and emotions of the day. Love is not dictated by lust, rather, lust is just one of its many forms. And while love may not look like how it was portrayed in fairytales, it is magical. Because for love you will make sacrifices, you will be selfless and you will say sorry even when you know you are right. And when you hit a roadblock where the odds seem stacked against the survival of your relationship, you will fight for it with everything you’ve got. Because love is worth it. Because the person you have chosen to commit to is worth it."

No, not that I'm head over heels, and No, not that I've found one true love. It's just that I feel like getting cheesier than cheesy wedges. haha. lmao. well,  I've built up my impossible wall and I fight so hard to protect my ego and my heart. I guess it's going to be even harder for the next cycle. Then again, I'd still prefer a nightmare to end as a fairy tale rather than a fairy tale that ended up as a nightmare because hell I never want to go through it ever again. After all, love can never meet all my expectations and it even dismay yet still, we give all that we can till the mourning dove departs. hehs

RelaksRespekRespon

There are times that you have to let go of something good just because.

There are times where you will have to crash yourself for good reasons.

There are times where you have to let everyone down and that includes you.

There are times when you have to close the golden doors.

There are times that you have to let go of something good.

The worst feeling ever.

Worse than my first heartbreak.

I've come this far BUT I'm not willing to sacrifice things just yet. You gain some and you lose some.

I've changed my mind again.

And this time for real.

'without 3R ni I believe you'll do well in the future' 

I'm sorry if I let any of you down with my decision but yeapp, that's for the best :)

Thank you Pika, Nique, Iya, Munzir, Harris, Tyha, Farah, Alieya, Along, Aunty Safiah and of course Dad. 

And thank you all. 

Buttons. Pick yours.

If only you have the ability to choose one button for just once, what will it be?

STOP?

PAUSE?

DELETE?

REWIND?

FAST FORWARD?

Some say that deleting someone from your life is a childish act.

Some say that you should stay friends with the ones that left you behind.

Some say that it is okay to be just friend with the ones that you had and might still have feelings for.

Some say that if they could turn back time, things will never turn out to be like what it is today.

Some wish to have a peek of what the future brings, so that they could ditch the wrong ones and find the right ones.

Some wish that they could pause the good times just to have the same laughter and shade the unwanted tears.

Some hope that they can have all the buttons just to smile when they should be smiling, to cry when they should be crying, to love when there is love to be had, and to have their hearts broken again and again so that the day they choose the PLAY button, all they do is 'sit back and scream YOLO'.

;)  the whattt girl. 

Dreamer

In the midst of final exam and I have a paper to sit tomorrow. Something keeps on playing in my head and I can't seem to focus on what I'm studying. Sigh. Well, went for 3R audition couple of weeks ago with Superman shirt, purple skinny, old Everlast shoe, studded bracelets, attractive red G-Shock, and favorite red shawl. Went there for fun and Alhamdulillah I was shortlisted as Top 30 :) Honestly it was very unexpected because scrolling down the Ig timeline made me realize how small I am compared to other participants (Most of them are the fashionista, hijabista and other --sta wtv) and here I am! wandering around with my most simplest and casual attire and no make up on. haha.

Submitted my resume for the next round and they're now finalizing the Top 12 3R new hosts. Well, I must say that it is going to be a dream come true but heyy! that dream was made by me only ofter Tyha shove me with Dena Bahrin Ig account saying that 3R is searching for a new host and my room mate told me that there will be 2 days audition session that is going to be held in USM itself. That was when I decided to create that dream, which is to become a TV host. loll. To think of it back, I might gain some and I might lose some.

I might have to extend my semester or wtv for internship purpose since the shooting period will be held around 26th of June until 15 of July. What will I gain should be priceless experience! Might as well I ended up in the that industry upon my graduation. BUT then again, something came across my mind and I started to doubt about what did I just do, what am I doing and if shits happen, what should I do? can I turn back time and undo all the mess?

First and foremost, I'll graduate at the age of 22 and I want to work in a professional environment. Corporate-ish environment to be exact. I've a plan for my future. I want to get my MBA before I get married. I want to become at least a COO before I reach 40. I want to travel around the world doing business.I want to become an inspiration to young girls especially because that's what they taught me in high school (Provided that TKC is the factory for female future leaders). I wanted to become a workaholic young lady with missions in life. Anddd everything seems to be all over the place once I received the mail =.=

Once again, commitment. Once I am shortlisted as one of the 12 finalists, I need to redo my future planning I assume. I honestly have no idea about what I'm doing, what am I expecting, and what I actually want. As for the time being, let's just hope for the best and see where life brings me to because I can only see my blurry vision of what will I become. hahahaha.

But on the other hand, I can say that the chance to get shortlisted is very thin. Macam orang cakap senipis kulit bawang? lollllllllllllllllll. tu kelakar. I'm happy if I'm chosen and I'll be glad to learn new things and I'll be happy too if I am not and I'll definitely get back to my comfort life with internship to settle (GOSH! =.=') and of course work harder for my dreams to come true :)

fin.

by a dreamer

" I wish I couldn't  feel, I wish I couldn't love,
I wish that I could stop cause it hurts so much

And I’m the only one that's trying to keep us together

When all of the signs say that I should forget you

I wish you weren’t the best, the best I ever had

I wish that the good outweighed the bad

Cause it’ll never be over, until you tell me it's over "

Peaches

Bathing.

in the blossom

of our love,

I am suffocated by

its rotting

It happens

that it happens.

When a man and woman

first meet,

they're at their

kindest,

most polite,

most

considerate,

Never again,

from that moment on,

will they be as sweet,

or will their

smiles be

as genuine,

or will their eyes be

as playful,

or will their longing be

as pure

or as powerful,

as on their first

accidental meeting

It is though

a heart that falls 

in love

were

a peach

at the peak of

its ripeness;

plump

and velvet to their touch,

but destined

 and decay.

Would it that 

the heart could love

a lover

with as much

conviction.

and as few

conditions.

as when it loves 

a friend.

by;

YASMIN AHMAD

TOP 10 Hardest Questions

1) WEH, NAK MAKAN KAT MANA???

first world problem sangat bila kena jawab soalan ni and bila kita yang tanya, jawapan yang diterima adalah makan kat mulut. Rasa macam nak pelempang orang je. 

2) NAK BASUH RAMBUT KE TAK

ingat senang ke jadi perempuan? ingat senang ke rambut panjang? ingat senang ke ada rambut? EH.

3) SHOULD I BELI KE TAK EH?

dah tau hujung sem duit pun dah nyawa-nyawa ikan. Nak jugak tergedik2 jalan kat bazaar. bila jumpa kehendak mulalah macam cacing kepanasan purse tu. Kalau soalan ni yang terkeluar, I'll ended up dengan 'Tutup mata beli je lah' -..-

4) NAK SKIP CLASS KE TAK?

soalan wajib every week. 

5) NAK BAGITAU KE TAK?

when it comes to telling my dad about my results. hehe. Tapi selalu dia tanya dulu sebelum sempat tanya diri sendiri nak bgtau ke tak. loll

6) WHAT SHOULD I WEAR TODAY? *Staring at the wardrobe*

no comment.

7) NAK BAWAK BAG YANG MANA SATU HARINI?

One of the problems that I'm facing these days. kamannn. GIRLS. we have more than 2 bags okayhhhh.

8) SHAWL KE BAWAL?

try banyak2 tudung for an hour class. ended up with shawl ALWAYS sebab malas nak iron. 

9) NAK STAY UP KE NAK MORNING UP?

ended up sleeping sebab nak stay up later and mengantuk tak larat nak morning up. last sekali duadua pun tak (Y)

10)NAK JAWAB APA NII? 

EXAM.TEST.QUIZZZ

Saya bosan dan ini merupakan post pertama yang 90% dalam Bahasa Melayu. hihi. okbai

saya anak Marsani.

Parenting Rules

Assalamualaikum and Hello future mums and future dads :)

(let me pretend for a while that I have a huge crowd of audience)

Insomniac. That's not good at all. Torturing especially when I'm having 8 am class the next day. Well, that's not what imma talk about but yeah, whatever.

Basically, I went to Borders this evening to accompany Auntie Safiah spending her last pieces of 2 RM50 BB1M and I came across a book. Yup. The parenting Rules by Richard Templar :

Oh well, not that I'm sooooo excited to have my own kids but when I first saw this book, I was actually stunted and the first thing that came across my mind was, 'Come On! Parenting is not that hard until you need a book to guide you.' - fikiran seorang budak yang tak matang. Yes, I'm still a kid. hahaha

"YOU LOVED THIS PERSON ENOUGH TO HAVE BABIES WITH THEM. THAT'S SERIOUS STUFF"

this! This is one of the first few rules that the writer wants to emphasize. In a way, I am 200% agree with him. WHY oh WHY? Well of course, love sex and voila! there goes YOU :3 but to think of it back, IF a baby is born from a mother whom is not in a good relationship with the father or should I say rape cases or anything related. I believe, the children will never feel the love from the parents. Perhaps by looking at the kid's face reminds them of their partner or the father/mother which might only invite hatred. How are you going to raise a kid when all you can feel is just hatred towards him/her. So, yeap. True that you have to love the person that you want to have babies with. 

"THEY'VE GOT TO LEARN TO PLAN THEIR OWN LIVES.AND THAT MEANS LEARNING THE CONSEQUENCES OF MAKING THE WRONG DECISIONS TOO"

Not to say that I'm an expert but this is somehow true. Let me tell you something, my parents are kinda open and we talk about stuffs openly even when it comes to 18sx stuffs. loll. No kidding. That's not the point. Well, the thing here is, my mum especially she never restrict me from doing things that I want and things that I like. Same thing goes to my dad. Everytime I'm in doubt and not knowing what should I do. As for example, during my first year, I was in MASUM team for Taekwondo and what happened was I just got back from a tournament and I had a minor injury and that was tear of tendon or ligament I can't recall. A week after, there was a Relay competition. USM OPEN. Soooo, a good friend of mine asked me to join his team for open category and knowing that I'm not fully recovered and still I wanted to run. (I used to run during my schooldays and because I miss those time as well I decided to team up with my other 3 friends to form a quartet) Called my dad to ask for his advice and as expected, 'Kalau rasa kaki dah okay larilah, kalau rasa tak okay lagi jangan. You should know better because we're talking bout your physical condition and if you are seriously into sports then you should train like any other athletes might as well take your own time to recover before kaki you lagi teruk'- something like that lah dia cakap. I decided to grab the spike and run. Well, you can guess what happened. My injury was  pretty bad right after the event and it took longer than it should take to recover. Basically I kena smack on my face based on my own decision. 

Yeap, have to admit that youngsters need to rasa kena kepala and muka sendiri then only they will know what they should and what they should not do. So yes, I learnt my lessons by making wrong decisions in life WITH my parents permission.

"IF YOUR CHILD NEEDS A GOOD SMACK NOW AND AGAIN, THEY'RE DEFINITELY THE KIND OF CHILDREN THAT SHOULD NEVER BE SMACKED"

Yup, kids like me love attention. How they gain your attention is by their own creative methods. Some of them want to be recognised by their great achievements in their studies, some might want to be recognised by their endless gold medals HOWEVER, bak kata orang melayu lah, Pisang setandan tak semuanya elok kan. So, kenalah ada black sheep. The bad guy, the bad boy, the whatever bad labels that stick on their forehead. I believe that one sweet day, the time will come. The time when you will have your own kids and their problems that you have to deal with. Never give a try on black and blue parenting skill with your not so bright children. They might be the ones that will be by your side when no one is there for you. 

One of the reason why I flip through this book is because I wanted to know how good I am to my parents.hehe. I actually didnt buy this book because I'm broke.tsktskk. It is a good book seriously. Soooowwww, I guess I can only write until here. ermm. well. just another random thought. It's not how good you were raised by your parents. It's how you try to give yourself the chance to be a part of them and see the logic behind every decisions. Youngsters. We are all blinded by our needs, passion, and we even crave for attention and such but there are ways to express it and sometimes what we say and done might not be a big deal to us but yes to our parents. I believe that what goes around will always come back around. Your parents was once children to their parents. AND SO DO YOU. 

PEOPLE

adios amigos :D
It has been a very loooooongggg time since the last time and yess, I miss you too :3 muahaha. skip that part. Well, been veryy awesomely shizzzlilingggzy busy with a lot of things, projects after another, events after another, assignment submissions, quizzes and test. At one point, I just wish that I could end things by getting married by hey, that will never solve any problems but in fact, menambah nambah headache and heartache lagi ada. loll. kidding.

Okay, what's with people?

First and foremost, I'm only 21 but the thing here is I've been dealing with many people from different social hierarchy, different background and even different way of viewing things. Be it students, lecturers, businessman, youngsters, makcik jual kerepek, pakcik berniaga jeruk and whatnot. They're all people. But how they resemble their community and  how they express their thoughts might differ from others. The higher you are in the social hierarchy, less manners you would apply when you interact with others. Not saying that they're all the same and my hypothesis applied to everyone in the community but I'm very sure that if it is not most then, probably half of the community would be. 

Some people learn life the hard way and that makes them what they  are. They tend to appreciate things and others the way they want to be appreciated. Afraid of hurting others' feelings as well as they never want others to hurt their feelings. My respect goes to these kind of people whom would put themselves in other's shoes before they start to point their fingers on others, discuss before raising up an issue that might cause riot and affects others as well. Sometimes, those who managed to apply manners and do such things are those who came from the lowest group of the social hierarchy. Believe it or not, they are indeed. Perhaps, hardships in life taught them to respect in order to gain respect from others compared to those who are comfortable with their own status and decided to gain respect without giving. Pathetic isn't it?

Another questions that keep on playing in my mind is that why is it important to please people by showing the other part of you that's not  you? why can't you just be yourself? I think it's in everyone that pleasing others is more important than pleasing our dear self. To fit into something that's not where you belong to. I've seen many of these people but it saddens me that I can do nothing because I'm in this category too. hahahaihh. At some point of your life, you might want to ditch everyone and live in your own world, ignore all the BS that others might throw to you for at least you're in your comfortable zone. Sometimes it's good to be in a condition where you can feel nothing because you never want to, being a free soul that no one ever dares to say a thing to you and comes hell or wtv forms of BS, you're there with you alone and not affected by the machines that is used by people which happens to be their tongue. 

Oh well, to tell stories about people behavior might cause me a thesis or a research. Might as well I stop here and pretend to become the silent observer. One more thing, it is fun to see people that we used to know becoming someone that they say they will never become. Thank you very much :) I did enjoy the show. lewlss 

emopostbyanemogirlduringemotimeoftheemomonth.

emomeyl

Random #2

in a way, it was never a love story? perhaps. 

Anam Cara

There was a game after a lesson by a lecturer. Not mine, but I read it somewhere. A short story but it touches my heart. Anyways, there was this one post grad student who happened to volunteer when the lecturer asked who wants to play this game. There he was raising his hand and walked to the front of the class. A question was asked, he had to list down 5 people that are close to him. He listed down his parents as in his mum, dad, wife and his two kids. The next question was asked, he had to choose. If he was given a situation where a life of the meaningful people around him will be taken. Which one among those 5 will it be? He paused. For quite some time. He looked deep into his lecturer's eyes to confirm the question. He had to choose. He decided to cancel his dad. WHY? because his dad is too old. It's better for him to die than to suffer. One person after another. The next person is the mum and the kids. WHY? because the kids will grow up and meet the love of their lives. They might forget him. They might abandon him. BUT one thing for sure, his wife will stay with him come hell or high water. They'll grow old together. WHY? because they love each other. 

Nope. It's not a love story. 

Last year, I went to Bukit Jambul to buy something and to hang out with my girls. we decided to eat at KFC and I saw something that touches my heart. There was an old Chinese man around my dad's age. Older perhaps. Cleaning up those tables and he's wearing blue shirt with name tag. As far as I'm concern, that's the official uniform of KFC.

End of last year too, I was at Kapitan, Penang. Celebrating my last paper with food but I'm not sure why I failed to eat up all my briyani. I left quarter of my rice on the table and walked away. As I walked out of the restaurant, I've intercept with a Chinese uncle who's eating the leftovers from the garbage. Dumpster to be exact. It touches my heart and I cant seem to forget that incident even until today.

This very evening, while I was waiting for the bus. There's this one Indian lady with couple of bottles and cans in her hands along with a helmet, asking for the time. We had a short chit chat about the hot weather. Few minutes after, the husband came, riding a very old motorcycle. Both of them are wearing gardener's uniform. The husband took the bottles and the cans from her. I assume they're going to recycle those things for extra penny. They went off and she smiled at me.

Gosh, I always  pray days and nights that things like that will never happen to me or I'm the one who will be doing that to my parents. Truth to be told, I always asked myself questions. WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN LIFE THE HARD WAY? why me? why cant I have everything that I want? What can't I get what I desire easily? Why can't I have a perfect life? Why can't I this and that and this and that. Selfish and ungrateful person I am. Not knowing that there are other persons in this world or even around me who have to suffer for a meal. Not even for a proper meal. I can't seem to relate whatever I feel and I saw atm but one thing for sure, I should learn to be grateful.

PARENTS.

they can be the pain in the ass but they're the ones that we seek to when we need love. They never failed to fulfill our needs. They never say no. Anam Cara. It stands for soul mate. vampire language. haha. well, no matter how rich you will become, no matter how successful you will become someday, never leave them behind. Just don't. Hold their hands, walk with them. Let them grow old together because they complete each other. Just so you know, what goes around will always comes back around. 

This is random and all over the place. 

But..

yeah, whatever.

tahi hidung

oh well, hello people :D

I seriously am going to talk about korek hidung and tahi hidung. yupp. Tipu tak pernah korek hidung. I was just wondering how did tahi hidung boleh terproduce so, basically what i understand from my readings is that mucus are trapped when you breath until tahi hidung is produced. basically tahi hidung tu mcm mucus yang dah kumpul banyak2 lah. Simple analogy that I can think of is bila you dah lama tak sweep the floor. you cant see all the habuk2 but once you swept the floor and kumpulkan the habuk all together and POOF! the outcome. hehe. segerombolan habuk macam wool kambing biri2 color grey. 

you see, It's not about korek hidung je sebenarnya. well, i might see things differently. It's all about the choices that you're going to make. To keep your nose clean by korek hidung and yepp fresh air guaranteed or keep as much as mucus as you want in your nose and breath dengan tak selesanya and keep them all to yourself without any intention nak clean your nose. You can live in misery and suffer from tak korek hidung or korek hidung and enjoy life with without the tense of having something in your nose and enjoy every odour, every scent freely. loll

Okay, basically it's not all about digging your nose. sometimes to let out and let go of unnecessary things in you and in your life is better than keeping it to yourself. You're not solving anything by keeping things. well at least, by letting it all out, you actually feels better. yupp. much wayyyy better. trust me :) let them go. let them out. let the negative thoughts, feelings, and anything that's torturing you be it mentally or emotionally out by sharing. I have to admit that it's not an easy task but then again, worth the try.

SO, this post is not all about korek hidung and tahi hidung je kan? haha

lets dig our nose together and live happily ever after ; A -OO-

Yes and No?

Hello handsome faces and pretty ladies :D It's been a while since my last post. Hectic days and busy sem break. well, they're just reasons though. hehe. I've plenty to share but I'm out of my writing mood. So, here it goes, updates from me ;P

1. Went to Indonesia and bad luck me, not even a day I landed there, I was snatched, Well, takde rezeki kot. Lost couple of hundred bucks, IC, bank cards and etc. Had difficulties to renew my bank cards and Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara sekat here and there I feel like killing them all just because I lost my IC abroad so yeah, whatever~
2. My taekwondo's coach called me and informed me that they will drop my name from MASUM team due to my injury and that only means no extra allowance for me. sad news :(
3. I've got myself a part time job as a writer for a website after submitting a sample article which I made the night before its due date. Thanks to Kak Farhana for encouraging me to submit a piece of my writing product. hehe.
4. trying my luck to represent USM to Istanbul. The interview will be held on the 3rd and 4th of March :3

okay done with updates. So, whatsupp? 

I've been observing the 'kahwin muda' trend lately. Okay, let me make things clear first and foremost. I'm not an activist or fighting for women's right or anything related. It's just that I kinda like not a big fan or I'm not that into getting married at the age of early twenties perhaps? to put it into simpler words, I'm against early marriage. No offense even though my mum was 19 and my dad was 25 when they were married.

well, marriage vs. wedding. They're two different things. huge differences. 

Wedding.

It takes you as long as you want to be prepared for A MEMORABLE DAY. You're up at the highest cloud.   Its all about 'aaaahhh''uuuuuuu''omaigodd bestnyaaa' and yadayada~

Marriage.

It takes you your whole life to suck all the sugar and spice, flying pots and pans, a prince charming once that turns into a beast after couple of years, endless ka ching! problem and bla bla bla

*that would be me kicking my spouse. hehe*

COMMITMENT.RESPONSIBILITY

That's what you signed for. well, pretty much you're bonded to serve your husband and kids at the age where you can actually do things for yourself. I'm not saying that once you get married, you're tied to one guy and you're not free to do whatever you want but there will be an invisible line, which restrict you from doing things just because someone says NO. 

Everyone will have their own opinions. How are they going to end their single life, how are they going to start the new chapter of their lives, how many kids they wanna give birth to, umur berapa nak kahwin, nak kahwin dekat mana and such but for once, do ask yourself questions like don't you have anything to achieve in life? are you satisfied with how much you have contribute to your parents? because as far as i know, once you're married, your loyalty goes to your husband. NOT your parents. And the most important question is, will the guy that you marry guide you, treat you the way you should be treated, love you till your last breath, be with you through the ups and downs of your marriage life, and you yourself are prepared for a new daily routine? full time housewife, part time maid, full time employee and blablabla. It's not just about sharing bed and having a new housemate. It's more than that. well prepared for that?

Not being a pessimist neither not believe in marriage. It's a lie if I say that I don't wanna get married and have couple of kids but you know, that will only happen when I'm satisfied enough with my lifetime achievement  which will take couple of years. I believe many of us will have different opinions regarding this issue but yeah, rich parents, employed future husband with stable life and there you go, you're still on your way grabbing your degree scroll. That sounds okay lah kot. but kalau you're 12, you quit school because you're prepared to get married with 18 year old guy who lives with parents' income then think twice. 

Employed husband can definitely survive if anything happen to your marriage. How about full time housewife? custody? who's gonna feed you IF your husband leave you for another girl. Love fades, feelings change, polygamy is allowed. And there you go, left behind with awful heartbreak, kids to feed with no income source and an ex-husband who's having his good time with his new wife or girlfriend. 

So girls, if you punya boyfriend masuk meminang esok, will it be a YES or a NO? 

The End

Assalamualaikum and whaddup yaww :D

As always, overflowing of ideas on what to write when I should be busy studying for my very last paper for this semester but nevermind, they can wait. hihi

Well, as the semantic macrostructure speaks for itself, 'THE END' it can be the end for a the bad times and good times or it can be the beginning of a new things be it good or bad. I've got to say that within these few days, there are few chapters of my life that has come to an end and some are approaching its last few words of the last chapter :)

7 years ago, I was young and naive. Not knowing that I'm going to have bumpy roads but yet they turns out to be the sweetest memory that I've ever had. I was once a TKCian and I'm proud to be one. It was the best decision that I've ever made my entire life, which is to be a part of Kurshians. Knowing that the old school is now changing their location to Bandar Enstek do affect each and every Kurshian. Be it whether they're now 60 y.o granny who was once a TKCian or Excalibur 0812 who just graduated from TKC, Seremban. For us, it's not just a school. That place brings so much memories to each and everyone of us. The place where I grew up to be what I am today.The place where we've got to see each other's faces before and after puberty. The place where we learnt that there's no friendship that we're going to have in our whole life that's comparable than what we had. The place where we were taught to become a fair lady. To walk with heels to class, to eat with fork and spoon for every meal, to learn the right manners with seniors, teacher and wardens, to walk with pride as a TKCian. No one can ever understand how does it feels unless they are one of us. I had great times there and yes, for every beginning, the must be an end. My high school memories now shall rest in peace as the old building of the school is now known as SMS Tunku Aisyah. I can never regret nor forget that I was a part of Kolej Tunku Kursiah, Seremban, Negeri Sembilan. 

I'm going to sit for my last paper tomorrow which is English Discourse. I kinda like enjoy this subject, that's why I don't really feel the tense or the urge to finish reading early. That's not good =.=' but hey, to think of it back, tomorrow will be the official day that I'm going to finish my first semester of my second year :D Yeayy! Which means that I'm halfway done for my degree :) I need a break. from books, and notes. haha. That's just plain ridiculous right. When every working peeps wants to turn back time and be a student, here I am complaining about being a student and the excitement of starting my first career. Well, maybe that's because I'm in the middle of exam week kot. Kott lahh kann. haha. So, that's it for my university life :) 

Have you ever encounter a situation where you can't decide whether to turn to the next page or to continue doing things that you've been doing for years. Whether to flip the book and start fresh from writing a journal to burn every journals that you've written? A huge step I must say. To leave something that you're comfortable with for something new not knowing whether its worth the try. But hell, screw them. You can't experience something new if you don't have the guts to even try. So, here I am. Leaving my past behind and calling it a quit where I've decided that the last conversation that I had is the end of the chapters. There's always hope but there's always choices too. You can't be very sure of when will the hopes become real but you can always be sure of what to choose. Well, that's the end of it. I hope that 2013 can bring some extra adrenaline and oxytocine at the same time ;)

And I think there are few more notes before I reach the end of English Discourse T.T So, till then! :D

xo; ameliamars

love

this is random but I just feel like writing it down and let it go :)

Love?
love hurts.
it's bittersweet.
one can be up there climbing up the highest cloud.
one can be in the deepest sorrow where there's no words can describe.
What's with love?
What is it about love?
To love or not to love?
It's all your choice.


Love is double edge sword,
because it cuts your heart without pain.

You're ready to love,
If only you're ready to get hurt.
You're ready to love,
If only you're ready to be hurt.
You're ready to love,
If only you're ready to be buried in the deepest sorrow.
You're ready to love,
If only you're strong enough to climb up and feel joy of the highest cloud.
You're ready to love,
Once you find your hombre,
One tough hombre.

He is no prince,
He is no millionaire,
He is just a guy,
An ordinary guy.

An ordinary guy,
who have what it takes,
what it takes to give
to give without wanting.
An ordinary guy,
who have what it takes,
what it takes to guide,
to guide without inveigh.
An ordinary guy,
who have what it takes,
what it takes to confess,
to confess without duress.

Love hurts,
Heart heals,
Been hurt again,
It can still heals.
but there's no guarantee that it'll leave no scars.
deeper and deeper.
Each scar with different stories.
No matter how strong,
that little piece of meat,
underneath your chest bone,
it still breaks.

You can do nothing,
but to trade the broken heart,
for a fresh start.
Never let the temporary sadness
controls you.
Never let your heart tied to someone
that has nothing left to offer you.
And,
Never let your heart face the fear,
fear to get attached again.

Why?
Love is the venom.
Love is the cure too.
Moving on is never easy,
but it worth the pain :)

To know that there will be someone,
who is no superman,
who is never a batman,
or perhaps spiderman.
That can cure,
That can mend,
That can help you to find,
The broken heart,
The missing pieces,
and to hold you right from the start.

Him who can never leave you behind,
Him who can never let you go,
Him who will never let you chase,
Him who will never promise but surprise.

Promise her nothing.
Just be with her,
Through her ups.
Through her downs.

She's broken beyond repair.
Her heart breaks,
and she fought like hell
Just to stay alive.
She can only pray,
Pray that the next time she fall,
It is never the wrong person.
She can only pray,
Pray that HIM,
will save her from ruining herself.
She can only pray,
Pray that HIM,
Can save her from another heartbreak.

I let you go.
Wholeheartedly.
You are nothing more than a piece of my memory
I can never forget,
Neither regret.
But I'm glad
to say that
You taught me well.
I'm stronger than before,
Stronger than I thought I can never be.
I couldn't be more grateful for that.
Thank you.
Thank you for the memories.

Sometimes it's not who you love,
But it's whom,
who makes you feel loved.
it's whom,
who makes you happy,
it's whom,
who you can act retarded with.
and I hope that the person is you.
Yes, you.
Never lose hope.
Never vow to not to love again.
Why?
Because falling in love is always everyone's mistake.
ALWAYS :)

xo; queenofallbijjessameliameyl

A good start to 2013 :3

WEE WEE WEEE~

okay. I sounds retarded. luls. Anyways, it was a Friday pleasant evening until I've got a call from admin asking whether will I be free this upcoming 20th till 24th January because they're going to send me off to Indonesia for Malaysia-Indonesia Entrepreneurship Workshop III which will be held at Universitas Sebelas Maret, Indonesia :) Good opportunity and it's good for my resume. hehe.

Well, I couldn't be more grateful with what I have today. Each and every opportunity that knocks my door was unexpected. As I said before, I love surprises and this is one hell of a surprise that I love and another good start for my 2013 :D I wonder what is my 2013 lucky charm. I should keep it but how on earth am I going to keep it if I myself do not even own one? haha. okay whatever~

And one more thing, as I had a pretty long conversation with a friend of mine, we did talked about ourselves and how we 'impressed' each other when we first met. lol. let's put it in simpler words. First impression.

To be honest, I'm not good in impressing people for the first time. Yup, I always get that ' WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT ARROGANT BITCH THAT THINKS SHE OWN EVERYTHING AND I FEEL LIKE SLAPPING HER FACE NON-STOP BUT HELL I HAVE TO PRETEND THAT I LIKE HER BECAUSE WE HAVE TO WORK ON SOMETHING TOGETHER.' Yeah, I have that attitude where I don't approach people and that particular 'muka taik' and look to strangers. But hey, who cares. haha. once we've got to know each other, you will definitely enjoy my company :) and yes, I have to admit that I'm a bit crazy retarded bitch. I don't really resembles how do I look and how I dressed up but yup that doesn't really matter. 

Admit it that we can't please everyone. Why am I writing this in 'a good start 2013' post is because I finally get that attitude back. I mean like, I used to care so much about what others might think when I started my degree and I ended up being miserable because I do realize that I can't have the same friendship that I had during high school where we really had that bond. That strong bond. But here, today, I meet a lot of people. They can be nice to you but at the same time they can be the ones who judge you, who stab you from the back, who treat you nicely but talks bad behind you and the list goes on and on and on. I was afraid to be in that particular list once upon a time. being the bad ass that everyone talks about. being judge. but hell, I used to be that girl who cares nothing but myself and to lose that to a bunch of people that I only have to bear with for a couple of years? NOT WORTH MY TIME.  

I am now gladly say that I'm over it. I'm over that attitude where I have to care about others before me. I'm free to do what I want, to say what I feel and to blurt out my thoughts. Yes. I am that heartless. Deal with it. As for now, I'm gonna concentrate on my finals and yup, I should put it on the billboard that I'm in my retarded mode or phase. I might be crazy and say stupid things but bear with me :3 because, there are more to come. haha. Post finals last sem was study trip to Thailand and next week,  I'm off to Indonesia. Yup, the trips are paid fully by USM. jealous much? well, you should :P

P/S: i wanna share some pictures but i can't seem to find my usb cable due to the messiness of my study table. maafkan je lah.kbai