Changes

Halluuu :)

Okay, Assalamualaikum.

Whaddup yo! judging by the views that I get, I believe I have my own audience. Anyhoo, it has been a long time since the last time I crap here. So here it goes.

I'm quite occupied with a lot of things these days, but there is one thing that keeps on bugging me and I believe that each of us once had this kind of feelings. Or probably now? Or soon. It depends. Well, I'm not the right person to talk about this judging by how do I dress up, how do I treat my guy friends, how I handle my daily conversation with my usual clan, the way I spoke to my parents and the list goes on...

It is a lie to say that the urge to improve myself, ourselves to become a better person never appear. It knocks on our face, our heart and even our ass real hard that you feel like crying your heart out just because you wanted to but you can't. WHY? changes is never easy. NEVER. 

Yes. True that tomorrow is never a promise. What if death comes before you cover yourself properly? What if death comes before you even say sorry? sorry to others for the words that might hurt, sorry to yourself for never to give the chance being someone new. Regret is no longer the issue. It's the chances that knocked on your door but you're afraid/scared/not ready to grab.

Yes. I don't have the right to say that you can't judge me and accept me for who I am because this is me. Honestly, that's bullsh*t. It doesn't work that way. I just feel like in order to change, it should start from the inside itself. Now tell me one thing, does it really matter to portray what you are physically for people to judge you? I doubt that. 

Changes is never easy. Just because some people hide their good deeds and they only show the dark side of them, they are free to be judged and to be labelled as black sheep. Struggling hard to complete the 5 times a day is a change. From reading only quran to translation is a change. Trying hard to properly cover herself is a change even if she failed. Reducing the daily bad words is a change. You never know how hard we tried. You were in our shoes. You never like to be judged. You never like to be punished. How do you expect others to accept the same thing that you once hated or perhaps still hate then? 

AGAIN, TO CHANGE IS NEVER EASY. 

It's going to take every single strength that we have, every tears that  we are willing to shed for the past that we once had and we regret, because we never knew what we wanted back then. we were lost. It's just that some of us are lucky enough to find their way back home and leave the others behind.

So, to my other friends. Never worry. Your time, our time will come. Slowly yet surely we're gonna make it. Changes is never easy but that's what life is about. Perhaps we are not blessed with 'holy' kind of friends surrounding us daily but always remember that anyone can love a rose but it takes a lot to love a leaf. It's ordinary to love the beautiful, but it is beautiful to love the ordinary. Chin up. Because to change is never easy.