The End

Assalamualaikum and whaddup yaww :D

As always, overflowing of ideas on what to write when I should be busy studying for my very last paper for this semester but nevermind, they can wait. hihi

Well, as the semantic macrostructure speaks for itself, 'THE END' it can be the end for a the bad times and good times or it can be the beginning of a new things be it good or bad. I've got to say that within these few days, there are few chapters of my life that has come to an end and some are approaching its last few words of the last chapter :)

7 years ago, I was young and naive. Not knowing that I'm going to have bumpy roads but yet they turns out to be the sweetest memory that I've ever had. I was once a TKCian and I'm proud to be one. It was the best decision that I've ever made my entire life, which is to be a part of Kurshians. Knowing that the old school is now changing their location to Bandar Enstek do affect each and every Kurshian. Be it whether they're now 60 y.o granny who was once a TKCian or Excalibur 0812 who just graduated from TKC, Seremban. For us, it's not just a school. That place brings so much memories to each and everyone of us. The place where I grew up to be what I am today.The place where we've got to see each other's faces before and after puberty. The place where we learnt that there's no friendship that we're going to have in our whole life that's comparable than what we had. The place where we were taught to become a fair lady. To walk with heels to class, to eat with fork and spoon for every meal, to learn the right manners with seniors, teacher and wardens, to walk with pride as a TKCian. No one can ever understand how does it feels unless they are one of us. I had great times there and yes, for every beginning, the must be an end. My high school memories now shall rest in peace as the old building of the school is now known as SMS Tunku Aisyah. I can never regret nor forget that I was a part of Kolej Tunku Kursiah, Seremban, Negeri Sembilan. 

I'm going to sit for my last paper tomorrow which is English Discourse. I kinda like enjoy this subject, that's why I don't really feel the tense or the urge to finish reading early. That's not good =.=' but hey, to think of it back, tomorrow will be the official day that I'm going to finish my first semester of my second year :D Yeayy! Which means that I'm halfway done for my degree :) I need a break. from books, and notes. haha. That's just plain ridiculous right. When every working peeps wants to turn back time and be a student, here I am complaining about being a student and the excitement of starting my first career. Well, maybe that's because I'm in the middle of exam week kot. Kott lahh kann. haha. So, that's it for my university life :) 

Have you ever encounter a situation where you can't decide whether to turn to the next page or to continue doing things that you've been doing for years. Whether to flip the book and start fresh from writing a journal to burn every journals that you've written? A huge step I must say. To leave something that you're comfortable with for something new not knowing whether its worth the try. But hell, screw them. You can't experience something new if you don't have the guts to even try. So, here I am. Leaving my past behind and calling it a quit where I've decided that the last conversation that I had is the end of the chapters. There's always hope but there's always choices too. You can't be very sure of when will the hopes become real but you can always be sure of what to choose. Well, that's the end of it. I hope that 2013 can bring some extra adrenaline and oxytocine at the same time ;)

And I think there are few more notes before I reach the end of English Discourse T.T So, till then! :D

xo; ameliamars

love

this is random but I just feel like writing it down and let it go :)

Love?
love hurts.
it's bittersweet.
one can be up there climbing up the highest cloud.
one can be in the deepest sorrow where there's no words can describe.
What's with love?
What is it about love?
To love or not to love?
It's all your choice.


Love is double edge sword,
because it cuts your heart without pain.

You're ready to love,
If only you're ready to get hurt.
You're ready to love,
If only you're ready to be hurt.
You're ready to love,
If only you're ready to be buried in the deepest sorrow.
You're ready to love,
If only you're strong enough to climb up and feel joy of the highest cloud.
You're ready to love,
Once you find your hombre,
One tough hombre.

He is no prince,
He is no millionaire,
He is just a guy,
An ordinary guy.

An ordinary guy,
who have what it takes,
what it takes to give
to give without wanting.
An ordinary guy,
who have what it takes,
what it takes to guide,
to guide without inveigh.
An ordinary guy,
who have what it takes,
what it takes to confess,
to confess without duress.

Love hurts,
Heart heals,
Been hurt again,
It can still heals.
but there's no guarantee that it'll leave no scars.
deeper and deeper.
Each scar with different stories.
No matter how strong,
that little piece of meat,
underneath your chest bone,
it still breaks.

You can do nothing,
but to trade the broken heart,
for a fresh start.
Never let the temporary sadness
controls you.
Never let your heart tied to someone
that has nothing left to offer you.
And,
Never let your heart face the fear,
fear to get attached again.

Why?
Love is the venom.
Love is the cure too.
Moving on is never easy,
but it worth the pain :)

To know that there will be someone,
who is no superman,
who is never a batman,
or perhaps spiderman.
That can cure,
That can mend,
That can help you to find,
The broken heart,
The missing pieces,
and to hold you right from the start.

Him who can never leave you behind,
Him who can never let you go,
Him who will never let you chase,
Him who will never promise but surprise.

Promise her nothing.
Just be with her,
Through her ups.
Through her downs.

She's broken beyond repair.
Her heart breaks,
and she fought like hell
Just to stay alive.
She can only pray,
Pray that the next time she fall,
It is never the wrong person.
She can only pray,
Pray that HIM,
will save her from ruining herself.
She can only pray,
Pray that HIM,
Can save her from another heartbreak.

I let you go.
Wholeheartedly.
You are nothing more than a piece of my memory
I can never forget,
Neither regret.
But I'm glad
to say that
You taught me well.
I'm stronger than before,
Stronger than I thought I can never be.
I couldn't be more grateful for that.
Thank you.
Thank you for the memories.

Sometimes it's not who you love,
But it's whom,
who makes you feel loved.
it's whom,
who makes you happy,
it's whom,
who you can act retarded with.
and I hope that the person is you.
Yes, you.
Never lose hope.
Never vow to not to love again.
Why?
Because falling in love is always everyone's mistake.
ALWAYS :)

xo; queenofallbijjessameliameyl

A good start to 2013 :3

WEE WEE WEEE~

okay. I sounds retarded. luls. Anyways, it was a Friday pleasant evening until I've got a call from admin asking whether will I be free this upcoming 20th till 24th January because they're going to send me off to Indonesia for Malaysia-Indonesia Entrepreneurship Workshop III which will be held at Universitas Sebelas Maret, Indonesia :) Good opportunity and it's good for my resume. hehe.

Well, I couldn't be more grateful with what I have today. Each and every opportunity that knocks my door was unexpected. As I said before, I love surprises and this is one hell of a surprise that I love and another good start for my 2013 :D I wonder what is my 2013 lucky charm. I should keep it but how on earth am I going to keep it if I myself do not even own one? haha. okay whatever~

And one more thing, as I had a pretty long conversation with a friend of mine, we did talked about ourselves and how we 'impressed' each other when we first met. lol. let's put it in simpler words. First impression.

To be honest, I'm not good in impressing people for the first time. Yup, I always get that ' WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT ARROGANT BITCH THAT THINKS SHE OWN EVERYTHING AND I FEEL LIKE SLAPPING HER FACE NON-STOP BUT HELL I HAVE TO PRETEND THAT I LIKE HER BECAUSE WE HAVE TO WORK ON SOMETHING TOGETHER.' Yeah, I have that attitude where I don't approach people and that particular 'muka taik' and look to strangers. But hey, who cares. haha. once we've got to know each other, you will definitely enjoy my company :) and yes, I have to admit that I'm a bit crazy retarded bitch. I don't really resembles how do I look and how I dressed up but yup that doesn't really matter. 

Admit it that we can't please everyone. Why am I writing this in 'a good start 2013' post is because I finally get that attitude back. I mean like, I used to care so much about what others might think when I started my degree and I ended up being miserable because I do realize that I can't have the same friendship that I had during high school where we really had that bond. That strong bond. But here, today, I meet a lot of people. They can be nice to you but at the same time they can be the ones who judge you, who stab you from the back, who treat you nicely but talks bad behind you and the list goes on and on and on. I was afraid to be in that particular list once upon a time. being the bad ass that everyone talks about. being judge. but hell, I used to be that girl who cares nothing but myself and to lose that to a bunch of people that I only have to bear with for a couple of years? NOT WORTH MY TIME.  

I am now gladly say that I'm over it. I'm over that attitude where I have to care about others before me. I'm free to do what I want, to say what I feel and to blurt out my thoughts. Yes. I am that heartless. Deal with it. As for now, I'm gonna concentrate on my finals and yup, I should put it on the billboard that I'm in my retarded mode or phase. I might be crazy and say stupid things but bear with me :3 because, there are more to come. haha. Post finals last sem was study trip to Thailand and next week,  I'm off to Indonesia. Yup, the trips are paid fully by USM. jealous much? well, you should :P

P/S: i wanna share some pictures but i can't seem to find my usb cable due to the messiness of my study table. maafkan je lah.kbai